August 5, 2011

Once upon a time in August, a baby scan...

Hi superstars.

I've been so busy this week with boring necessary papers + documents baby related like medical stuff, social insurance & co, but I've been thinking about writing here all the time. So now you will read all about yesterday's adventure, all on a very personal level.

I finally had the second trimester morphology scan yesterday . As it turns out most doctors here in Portugal take the month of August off so I had to travel rather far, changing the train for the metro but it was worth it, cause surprise surprise there was the Zoo right across the clinic. The thing is it takes a whole day to visit it all, so I decided to leave it for another time. I spent nearly two hours though chilling in the small park at the entrance dreaming about my baby, being nervous watching fountains and monkeys and of course people.

The time had come, I went in to make the scan... With all due respect, if it wasn't for my serotonin happy mood, I would have probably had a big argument with the staff. They were such in a rush and lack of care as if Moms were there on an automatic assembly line, not for the miracle that was bringing a human being into this world. You know me, I always see the full half of the glass, so I escaped their gloomy energy and focused on meeting the baby.

I couldn't see much on the screen though, I told you they were hasty + no one was explaining. But through that cloud of rapidly moving shadows and thick air, I heard a voice:

E um rapaz! (it's a boy)



I think my levels of hormones, conscience, unconscious, blood flow, electromagnetic waves (and other useless terms when it comes to living moments like these) went through the rooftop anyway as I imagined how my boy was cuddling there in my belly, being with me all this time, every second of it.

You know those people you see in the bus or subway, they're smiling uncontrollably+ their eyes sparkle and you think they're crazy? Well, they're not, they're just happy. I smiled all the way back in the train, I couldn't help it. It was unique.

M. and I both thought of girls names, so I prepared a surprise. On my way to his work I went to H&M, said goodbye kitty for now and bought a very first (not pink) baby t-shirt.

(By the way I was thinking who made this separation - girls equal rose + glitter, boys equal blue + dragons - it's a bit of a nonsense, don't you think? Why shouldn't my boy wear glitter? We're all stars anyway. And my favorite color is blue, I love dragons, but I'm not a boy. Hm, whatever.)



Yeah, so I took the small t-shirt out of my pocket and I watched Marco's face. He was still as a statue, but then I realized he needed something to lean against... He was overwhelmed, maybe more than me cause you know we are the strong ones! :-)

We had lunch on a bench by a small creek. We stayed mostly silent, afraid not to wake up from the sweetest dream.

Do you remember I was telling you I didn't fully realize what was going on some months ago? Well, everything feels more and more real. And when I say real I mean this wonderful boy that picked me to be his Mom... Who is it going to be? How is it going to be?

I look at my bump knowing he's there inside and I wonder does my heart really beat for you child, or is it really you giving me life?

6 comments:

ionuca said...

Hey, congratulations! I am so happy to read your good news! I'm sure you're going to pick a lovely name for your boy and he is going to have the coolest, most loving parents in the world :)

Cristina Papacu said...

Thanks, Ionuca I missed you! Everything OK with you? Drop me a few lines whenever you feel like.
Oh and if you have any name suggestions we're open!

kittenhood said...

This is so touching! I bet he'll be awesome :)

Cristina Papacu said...

Thanks D, what he will be will be, it's fine with me, tadaa :-D

Anonymous said...

salut! deci e baiat, sanatosi sa fiti dragilor! si eu m-am gandit la o fetita pt tine, dar s-a vrut a fi baietel. sunt mai multe sanse sa semene cu tine, iar asta nu poate fi decat suuuper. Va doresc sa va vedeti cu bine si sa va bucurati unul de celalat, desi tare-ti va lipsi burtica.
eu sunt la un pas de a pleca din tarisoara noastra, dar sunt optimista. fetita mi-e bine, dar tot traiesc o singuratate in 2 de dragul ei....voi vedea ce hotaraste Dumnezeu pt mine.
Te pup, Myshi

Cristina Papacu said...

Draga prietena Myshi,

Ma gandeam la tine si ma bucur ca ai aparut si ca esti OK. Sper ca din cand in cand sa dai cate un semn.

Iti multumesc pentru urari, si voua asemenea, sa fiti sanatoase si sa va bucurati de adevaratele miracole din lumea in care traim.

Si eu ma pregatisem pentru fata, dar acum ca stiu ca baietelul minunat m-a ales pe mine, abia astept sa il strang in brate.

Imi amintesc ca mi-ai zis ca pleci in toamna si iti mai urez inca o data cele bune. Nu uita ca nu esti singura!

Hotaraste tu intai, ca mai apoi universul sau dumnezeu sa le aseze.

Te pup cu drag,

Cristina